The idiot’s guide to the CV Show
Page 40
Page 41
If you've noticed an error in this article please click here to report it so we can fix it.
Planning on heading to the CV Show next spring? Check out our tongue-in-cheek guide to get the most from your visit
Words: The CM team
Exhibition feet
The average CV Show attendee walks 36.7 miles a day at the NEC (according to some less-than-rigorous web research), so it goes without saying that you’ll need to look after your feet. Stilettos are deinitely not advisable, especially if you’re male. Likewise, this isn’t the place to break in a new pair of shoes either. Aromatherapy slippers are well worth considering, although admittedly they don’t look particularly lattering with a suit.
Fish foot spa pedicures are popular, but as far as we are aware there aren’t going to be any at the NEC. But that doesn’t mean you can’t organise your own. Why not take a trip to the local tropical ish shop, buy a handful of goldish (or piranhas if you’ve got particularly big blisters) and stick them in your hotel bath?
To avoid that other well-known ailment, ‘exhibition a**e’, we suggest you invest in a ‘spong’ (disposable sponge thong) – as invented by our very own marketing director!
Invest in a Segway
Another way to ensure you don’t suffer from exhibition foot is to use your head and invest in a Segway. What better way of gadding about the exhibition halls than astride the world-famous personal transportation device? It’s relatively easy to get the hang of and can work up a fair lick of speed (12.5mph) when you’re late for an appointment on the other side of the show. And with a range of 24 miles, you should be able to get around the show several times before needing a recharge. There’s even a handy pouch for brochures, USB sticks and other show ephemera. Although it’s probably a good idea to avoid alcohol at lunchtime – you don’t want to be done by security for drink-driving. Alternatively, borrow an electric van from an exhibitor.
Wind up a salesman
Have some fun boring salesmen senseless. All you have to do is ask them loads of pointless questions, tell them your entire life story, then walk away without buying anything. You’ll know if you’ve been successful because they’ll be making all sorts of weird signs to other members of their team. Tugging on their tie, scratching their nose and pulling on their ears are all signals that they want a colleague to wander over and remind them that they have an important meeting to attend or that they’ve just had a phone call. Don’t fall for it – tell them you’ll wait.
Hours of fun guaranteed. Just don’t do it on the Road Transport Media stand.
Road Transport Media stand
Come along to the Road Transport Media stand (3C54) for some R&R courtesy of your favourite magazines: Commercial Motor, Motor Transport and Truck & Driver. We will have a bigger stand than at previous shows with something for everyone. CM will be debuting its Dragon’s Depot, which will be a chance for you to vote on the most innovative products at the CV Show (no spong we promise). T&D will be recreating an authentic truckstop atmosphere – although without the tattooed ladies serving the stewed tea or the smelly moulting dog sprawled in the corner. As well as plenty of copies of T&D, there will be moderately comfy seating and something warm and wet to drink.
Gaffer’s mag MT will be hosting an executive-style lounge for senior managers to relax, talk business and enjoy the iner things – such as stress, overdrafts and ulcers.
Show girls
If men didn’t stare at them, no exhibitor would employ scantily clad women to draw attention to their stand. Apparently men do stare, especially in the maledominated transport industry...
CV Show exhibitors have run the full gamut of female exhibitionism in the past: from MAN’s subtle violin player to Citroën’s more in-your-face ‘Ready, Willing and Able’ trio of surfers. Last year, the twins employed by a certain tyre supplier caught the attention of more (male) visitors than we care to remember. Rumours that several CM staffers spent much of the show hanging around the supplier’s stand are hopefully wide of the mark [better be or they’re ired – Ed]. Quite what the industry’s most powerful women think of such shameless sexism is anyone’s guess... Still, for now, scantily-clad women are a part of show life: enjoy or be disgusted as you see it!
You’d be barking not to...
If you really want to let your hair down and forget about the show for a few hours, why not join CM at the Hall Green Greyhound Stadium on 24 April for a night at the dogs?
It will cost you £50 a head, and for that you get entry to the stadium, a three-course meal and a £10 betting voucher. For more information, or to sponsor a race, call 020 8912 2121 or email vic.bunby@roadtransport.com
Blag free food and drink
For the truly serious show-goer, there’s only one real mark of failure: having to buy food at the NEC. Nothing beats the quiet satisfaction of getting a free meal out of the company that would like to sell you its wares. If you want to join the gravy train, onion of course, with sausage and mash to die for, courtesy of a certain Japanese company, you need to start your preparatory campaign now.
If you’re in the market for new products, make sure your friendliest dealer is aware that you’ll be going to the show. Don’t be afraid to drop big hints – this is no time for subtlety. If you’re not in the market, well, we can’t tell you how to manage your conscience. Play your business cards right and you could challenge the CM staff record of two breakfasts, three lunches and dinner in the evening.
Blagging free stuff
Make your visit to the CV Show more interesting (and proitable) by taking as much free stuff as possible and selling it online. We aren’t talking about hot-wiring a new Kangoo van on the Renault stand and wheel-spinning out of Hall 3, but there’s nothing wrong with helping yourself to some of the free promotional literature that’s kicking around and sticking it up on eBay one day.