By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongithann Oswaldtwistle.
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Production workers at the legendary Iron Works, home of Spagthorpe Motor Company, are demanding new working practices in line with the European Working Time Directive. Last night a delegation from the Amalgamated Union of Fettlers, Nibbers and Idlers, led by shop steward Arthur "Uncle Joe" Ballpeen, met with a highpowered management delegation including chairman Sir Jos Spagthorpe, HR director Arthur Crippen and senior production manager J Barrington Blackhart.
Hourly paid staff are demanding more time off for ukelele band practice; the ban on keeping fancy rats in the reception area to be rescinded; Monday night whippet racing to return to the company test track; pin-ups of Mata Hari to be allowed again on the company notice board; and the return of the missing doors from the ablutions block next to engineering.
An uncompromising Sir Jos told this reporter: -To hell with these fripperies. I'm prepared to move on the rats—as long as they're cleaned out once a fortnight—but there's no way a modern, forward-looking company like Spagthorpe will return to the dark days of industrial relations. By the way, yer'all sacked!"
FLASH: Workers have voted to return to work at S MC following a "generous" settlement from the company following the threat of 743 claims for unfair dismissal. Sir Jos Spagthorpe was unavailable for comment.