“It’s important not to get fingered before you’ve done the
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job, and the Transit is the ideal motor for a felon in any decade”
congratulating ourselves on how easy the theft had been (we got in by sliding the driver’s window open and starting it with a screwdriver!) so things started to go wrong. The steering box has a frightening amount of play in it, and consequently there was very little correlation between where we pointed it and the actual direction of travel. And as the speedo slowly wobbled up to 55mph (the van’s ‘comfortable’ cruising speed), so it began to meander rather than drive down the road. But the real white-knuckle ride started as we crossed over the Queen Elizabeth II Bridge at Dartford. A strong wind found us battling to keep it within the confnes of a lane. We looked a bit suspicious to say the least, and the last thing we wanted was to get pulled for dangerous driving on our way to the job. The van was actually shod with modern rubber, and we can only imagine how much more terrifying this journey would have been on cross-plies.
Our hearts were beating loudly – not that we could hear them. In fact, we couldn’t hear anything at all. Sound prooing certainly isn’t this van’s strongest point.
Needless to say, life in the modern Transit was a lot more pleasant. Although it had proved impossible to steal (until we broke into the Ford press ofice and pinched the keys off someone’s desk), the drive to the target was an absolute joy. Not only did it travel in the direction you asked it to, but it did it rapidly too. It arrived at the job a full 25 minutes ahead of the Mk1, allowing its occupants more preparation time.
Arriving in the Mk1 was a huge relief; not only because we’d got there in one piece, but because we were able to turn the engine off and slowly regain our hearing.
The waiting game
Waiting for the job to go down was a lot more pleasant in the 2011 Transit than the 1965 one. The seats were comfortable (and fully adjustable) and there was a decent radio to listen to. The only creature-comfort in the early van was an ashtray, which was soon overlowing, and why not, after all, smoking was perfectly safe in the 60s and 70s! The Mk1 was also disadvantaged by its tiny wing mirrors, which meant we had to not only park facing the target, risking being rumbled, but our wheelman couldn’t keep a good eye out for the busies. Fortunately, the lads in the back had the rear windows to look out of.
There were no such problems in the new Transit, with a great view front and back, and the gang were able to jump out in a lash thanks to the internal door handles on the rear and the sliding doors.
Up front in the Mk1, our man with the shooters was able to get right in the action thanks to the sliding doors – a good thing as he had to let out the rest from the back – and on the dash back to the van, the open sides meant we could hop right into the driver’s seat for a speedy exit.
Tools are an important part of any trade, and both vans have plenty of room for the vital equipment. With no bulkhead, all the gear could be quite easily kept out of sight in the old Transit, but in the new one there’s plenty of door pockets, overhead storage and spaces in the dashboard to hide the kit. Both also have loads of room in the rear for the booty. We lifted just over one tonne of bullion from the warehouse and the new Transit didn’t even struggle.
It’s important not to get ingered before you’ve done the job, and the Transit is the ideal motor for a felon in any decade. There’s plenty of them, and no distinguishing marks. The fact we’d nabbed a new white Transit meant once we got away from the scene no one would look at us twice, allowing us to blend into any landscape and evade the long arm of the law. And while the bright yellow GEC – Elliot Trafic Automation livery of the old Trannie might seem like a disadvantage as some witness is sure to make a note of it, the chances are the Old Bill will be straight round their place of work rather than ours – well, that’s the plan.
The chase
Job done, now comes the tricky bit. Someone’s put the cops on to us. Looks like we’ve got one of those super-fast undercover cars chasing us down in the new Transit, and the oldie is being pursued by a Mk2 Cortina 1600 Super – probably with one of the lash Harrys from The Flying Squad at the wheel.
We’ve got a bit of a head start over the brand new Ford Mondeo in the new Transit, but soon enough he’s on our tail. The Transit’s 2.2-litre engine pulls brilliantly in a line, delivering some real performance but, despite it handling sharply through the corners, it was only a matter of time before the fancy Titanium-spec Mondeo reeled us in. The arresting oficer tells us he didn’t even break sweat chasing us down – and not because he had the air-conditioning on. He says the 2-litre TDCi engine kept him right on us, and although the Transit did well in the corners, his Mondeo’s handling gave him the edge. Before we got pinched though – and like any good car chase – we had to take in a slalom, giving us the chance to test both vans’ handling to the extreme. As you might expect, while the white van tackled it with a certain amount of poise and dignity, it was a very different story in the yellow one.
The Transit’s fondness of popping out of top gear, which meant that the wheelman had to slow down in order to get going again, didn’t help us outrun the vastly superior 1600 Cortina. Its speed would have troubled any getaway vehicle, but against the Transit it was no contest. A tug on the van’s oversized skinny steering wheel, a wait for what seems like an eternity, and then a sudden lunge into an over-exaggerated manoeuvre, made escape in the yellow motor impossible, and with no seatbelts and a slippery vinyl seat, the driver was often left clinging to the steering wheel for dear life as he tried to outrun his pursuers.
The verdict
Unfortunately, but justiiably, the verdict handed down to our test team was 10 to life. However, the vans got away scot-free. Once the blues-and-twos were on to us, it took them a little under a minute to catch us in their lighteningquick Cortina, and although lash Harry’s hair might have been a bit rufled by the massive body-roll as he barrelled through the corners in the slalom, he was a picture of health compared with the battered-looking Transit driver who’d suffered immensely having been lung around the cab.
But, even in this modern age, and with a vehicle as capable as the new Transit, crime still doesn’t pay. While the Mondeo was kept at bay for more than three times longer than the MkII Cortina, the Transit was eventually outdone by its size rather than its performance. Had it not been overlowing with swag, it might have continued to out-run the police, but when our hooded thief was eventually wrestled to the ground by the armed response unit, he was neither lustered nor unduly over-worked thanks to the excellent chassis, suspension and driveability of the modern Transit.
There’s no doubting the Transit has come on in leaps and bounds since it irst hit UK roads, but unfortunately for the modern criminal, so have police cars. And while we don’t suggest you rob a bank, if you really must, may we suggest you take a modern Transit for the heist, and insist upon being chased down by the police in something from the era of the original Transit? Perhaps a MkII Cortina. ■